2nd Option

Second option...it is kinda familiar. Unless people wanted help from you, you are always second option or none at all.

It felt 'icky' at some point. It always felt that I am being used for a certain things and was never asked "Are you okay?" or "You want this?" or "You need it?" or "How about...?". Until I voiced out. It felt horrible, upsetting, downright miserable.

When you are not only "not asked" or "bothered to ask", they knew I was eye-ing on something , but hey I was never asked! What can I say? Not offered and being thick faced, that's not my style. Something I should carefully thought about change? Hmmm...

Things are long forgotten so to speak, to start anew, but at the back of their head, things don't really changed. It is often that I felt left out and succumbed to my own feeling. I wonder if they ever thought of, "How would I feel, if I am at her shoe?".

If it is not 'just cause',...I wouldn't have thought or even considered being this calm! I know I should learn to think less of what people thought or think about me. Having the thought of "cared too much", kinda suffocating, not my 'jam'...

I try and be focused on what's important now..and what's important now is taking care of my ill-mother...no nonsense here. It's nerve-wrecking, yes!. As a mother myself, it is not a good feeling at all..constantly waiting...As I said, I'm trying my hardest not to screamed!! As it is not my place to do it.

I am not perfect, but I do have feelings. And if I were my mom, I would be unhappy!